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"I Ain't an Athlete, Lady...": My Well-Rounded Life and Times

I Ain't an Athlete, Lady...

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"I Ain't an Athlete, Lady...": My Well-Rounded Life and Times

I Ain't an Athlete, Lady...

4.85 42,164 ratings · 7,128 reviews
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Overview: There's a story, a funny story, about me sitting in a restaurant. I'm eating this big meal and maybe having a couple of beers and smoking a cigarette. A woman comes by the table. She recognizes me and she's shocked because it seems like I should be in training or something. She's getting all over me, saying that a professional athlete should take better care of himself. I lean back and I say to her, "I ain't an athlete, lady. I'm a baseball player." That pretty much sums it up. In an age when athletes are getting bigger and stronger and more imposing every day, John Kruk of the National League champion Philadelphia Phillies is a hero for the rest of us. He likes his food, he likes his beer, he doesn't see much point in combing his hair and he plays the game of baseball too well for anyone to get away with hassling him about any of it. A three-time all-star, Kruk has maintained a .309 average since coming to the Phillies in 1989 and has had more fun doing it than just about anybody in sports today.You knew the World Series against Toronto was going to be an offensive series, and [the 15-14 game] sort of epitomized that. It sucked. It was a worthless game. I told Paul Molitor - it seemed like the eighth time he was on base that day - "This ain't a World Series. The World Series is supposed to be the two best teams in the world playing. I mean, you could go to Williamsport and get two little League teams to play better than we are tonight.""I Ain't an Athlete, Lady ..." is John Kruk's loose, funny view of his life, his world, his game, and his teammates - the wildest and flakiest bunch of players since the Gashouse Gang of the 1930s. ("In our clubhouse, if you called somebody a psychopathic idiot, it was a pretty good compliment.") Kruk shares his stories of growing up in a small town in West Virginia ("People in West Virginia do have cars. We have indoor plumbing. We even use knives and forks"), passes along his diet tips ("The best diet is just to go into a restaurant and say, 'Give me the thing on your menu that tastes the worst.' It'll probably be good for you, because that's what everything else I've eaten that's supposed to be good for me tastes like"), takes us on a tour of the Phillies' locker room ("When Jim Eisenreich first came to the Phillies, I said to some of the guys, 'Look at that guy. He looks like a mass murderer, staring like he wants to kill one of us.He looks like Jeffrey Dahmer.' So I started calling him Dahmer, and he liked it"), and tells why he was looking forward to a post-World Series visit to the White House ("He may be President, but he's not pardoned from being ragged on. If I can get on Dale Murphy, I can rag Bill Clinton").. Kruk's take-nothing-too-seriously-and-take-no-prisoners outlook shines through. "I Ain't an Athlete, Lady ..." makes clear why Kruk is rapidly becoming the most popular player in the game today.

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Book details & editions

ISBN
1278429
Publication date
May 17, 1994
Language
Eng
Pages
N/A pages
Reading Options
PDF · EPUB · Mobi
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John Kruk
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After spending years working in the corporate world, John Kruk finally decided to pursue a lifelong passion for writing. They currently reside in a quiet suburb where they spend most of their time outlining new stories, reading extensively, and occasionally attempting to bake.

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Stephanie White
Stephanie White April 28, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Gary Rivera
Gary Rivera April 06, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Dorothy Taylor
Dorothy Taylor September 04, 2024
I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
Michelle Adams
Michelle Adams October 23, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Michelle Clark
Michelle Clark November 09, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Deborah Mitchell
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Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Linda Campbell September 12, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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David Turner August 22, 2025
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Ryan Wright March 20, 2024
A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Rebecca Green October 23, 2025
A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
Deborah Taylor
Deborah Taylor March 03, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Michael Diaz
Michael Diaz December 13, 2025
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Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Nancy Torres December 28, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Donna Thomas
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Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Michelle Carter
Michelle Carter December 23, 2025
A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Eric Carter
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Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
David Carter
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Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Rebecca  Parker
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Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Andrew Allen November 20, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Ryan Sanchez May 11, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Joshua Edwards
Joshua Edwards April 23, 2025
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Eric Clark
Eric Clark December 16, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Betty Lewis
Betty Lewis January 06, 2024
A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Brian Thomas
Brian Thomas April 29, 2024
It was adequate. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. A fair 3 stars.
Daniel Allen
Daniel Allen June 11, 2024
A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Jessica Lee
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Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Brian Thomas
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me.
Melissa Williams
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Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
Mary Hill
Mary Hill June 21, 2024
It was adequate. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Matthew White
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Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Stephanie Cruz
Stephanie Cruz August 24, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Jacob Mitchell
Jacob Mitchell April 19, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Deborah Nguyen
Deborah Nguyen October 16, 2025
An acceptable diversion. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Lisa Garcia
Lisa Garcia January 22, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Lisa Rodriguez
Lisa Rodriguez June 28, 2024
It was adequate. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
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Barbara Flores July 11, 2025
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Deborah Nguyen
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Emily Wilson
Emily Wilson May 01, 2024
Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Anthony Reyes
Anthony Reyes August 24, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
Mark Reyes
Mark Reyes September 21, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Sharon Hernandez
Sharon Hernandez July 27, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Sarah  Parker
Sarah Parker February 25, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Deborah Mitchell
Deborah Mitchell March 27, 2024
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Anthony Rivera
Anthony Rivera March 14, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Sharon Hernandez
Sharon Hernandez July 10, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Michael  Parker
Michael Parker November 02, 2025
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Sandra Wilson
Sandra Wilson April 06, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
Steven Hill
Steven Hill October 16, 2025
An acceptable diversion. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Elizabeth Reyes
Elizabeth Reyes February 14, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
Margaret Taylor
Margaret Taylor September 12, 2024
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Anthony Lopez
Anthony Lopez October 30, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Kenneth Garcia
Kenneth Garcia March 24, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Linda Collins
Linda Collins April 02, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Jacob Miller
Jacob Miller February 28, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Paul Johnson
Paul Johnson May 12, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
Elizabeth Sanchez
Elizabeth Sanchez December 17, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Amanda King
Amanda King October 01, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me.
Rebecca Martinez
Rebecca Martinez September 27, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Paul Hernandez
Paul Hernandez December 08, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Karen Moore
Karen Moore March 11, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Jessica Thompson
Jessica Thompson April 17, 2024
Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Charles Lopez
Charles Lopez August 29, 2024
Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
John Robinson
John Robinson November 02, 2024
It was adequate. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
Mary Turner
Mary Turner February 08, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
Melissa Torres
Melissa Torres November 20, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
James Garcia
James Garcia August 04, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Ashley Reyes
Ashley Reyes October 20, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Paul King
Paul King December 18, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Ashley Johnson
Ashley Johnson May 18, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Richard Adams
Richard Adams October 19, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
Steven Lopez
Steven Lopez May 21, 2025
A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Richard Clark
Richard Clark January 13, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Carol Allen
Carol Allen April 15, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
Margaret Thomas
Margaret Thomas October 30, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Sharon Brown
Sharon Brown January 04, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
Joshua White
Joshua White August 07, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
William Johnson
William Johnson February 25, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Nancy Campbell
Nancy Campbell April 25, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Betty Taylor
Betty Taylor August 14, 2024
An acceptable diversion. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Sarah Gomez
Sarah Gomez July 17, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem.
Sarah Ramirez
Sarah Ramirez February 11, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Gary Johnson
Gary Johnson September 05, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Melissa Williams
Melissa Williams April 05, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. A fair 3 stars.
Ashley Gonzalez
Ashley Gonzalez June 21, 2025
Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading.
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