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Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

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Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

4.85 45,712 ratings · 5,742 reviews
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Overview: Author Dorothy Tennov, Ph.D., on Love and Limerence:It was over 35 years ago that, having become convinced through personal experience and the writings of others of the enormous significance of that aspect of the human reproductive process known as romantic love, I elected to explore the subject systematically.My journey of exploration occurred in three identifiable phases. During the first phase, the Phase of Wandering and Wondering Through Questionnaires and Testimonials, I was primarily involved in other topics, but the "love cards" assessments, in which students anonymously selected statements that applied to them and rejected those that did not, and the paper and pencil surveys submitted to groups continued to supply evidence of the importance of the topic, and of its prevalence, but I had not advanced beyond Shakespeare in understanding. Toward the end of that first phase, my emphasis had begun to shift from answers to questions posed by an investigator to the collection of personal testimonies, those of volunteers as well as those of published autobiographers, novelists, and historians. Transition to the second phase, the Phase of Limerence, was abrupt. It happened in the fall of 1973. Earlier that year I had presented the first formal paper on the subject at the meetings of the American Psychological Association. That paper, titled "Sex differences in romantic love among college students," was based entirely on questionnaire results. There were sex differences in pencil and paper reports, but, as I was later to learn, examination of the details of the experience revealed more sex similarities than differences in the phenotypical experience. The discovery, later that year, of people who had not, did not and apparently could not imagine themselves having the experience that I was describing, marked a turning point. By the time of a second formal paper in 1977, I had arrived at the conceptions found in Love and Limerence, and had begun to write the book. The third phase began with the publication of Love and Limerence. It was the Phase of Confirmation. Love and Limerence was based largely on interviews that exposed the weakness of paper and pencil assessments. The words of love admitted of different meanings. New data in the form of voluntary written testimonials poured in from readers of the book. Many of these letters used the same "What you describe is exactly what happened to me." Others thanked me for allowing them to know that they were not alone, that as crazy as the condition was, it was not a sign of mental ill-health, but a normal phenomenon. The state was one of madness, but the person undergoing the experience was not (necessarily) mad. In hindsight, it should not seem surprising to the human nature scientist that there should be built into us through evolution control over reproductive functioning that supercedes other motivations. According to what I refer to as Limerence Theory, limerence is an interaction between the feelings of one person and the actions of another. It appears to occur across sexual, racial, age, cultural, and other categories of humans and it endures as long as do the conditions that sustain it. When intense, it crowds other motives out of the psyche. It should be noted that Limerence is not synonymous with meanings customarily attached to the term "infatuation." Furthermore, and most importantly, it is entirely absent in some relationships and in some people. Finally, in my judgment, both limerence and nonlimerence represent normal functioning. Limerence presents problems for the modern individual, causing inattention to other aspects of life, especially to responsibilities and to other relationships. Limerence for someone other than the spouse is a major cause of marital and family disruption. Furthermore, the limerent's behavior may hinder rather than enhance a relationship with the desired person if a response in kind does not occur. When frustrated, limerence may produce such severe distress as to be life threatening. People's reaction to Limerence Theory depends partly on their acquaintance with the evidence for it and partly on personal experience. People who have not experienced limerence are baffled by descriptions of it and sometimes resistant to the evidence that it exists. To such outside observers, limerence seems pathological. Although often the subject of romantic poetry and fiction, it has been called an addiction, an indication of low self-esteem, irrational, neurotic, erotomanic, and delusional. To people who are unacquainted with it first-hand, it inconceivable that any person should assign so much importance to another person. Fortunately, direct experience is not necessary to someone who reads the evidence. There are many scientifically known phenomena that are not directly perceivable. Although self-report is traditionally regarded with suspicion by scientists, reports ...

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ISBN
1398830
Publication date
January 1, 1979
Pages
N/A pages
Reading Options
PDF · EPUB · Mobi
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Dorothy Tennov
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After spending years working in the corporate world, Dorothy Tennov finally decided to pursue a lifelong passion for writing. They currently reside in a quiet suburb where they spend most of their time outlining new stories, reading extensively, and occasionally attempting to bake.

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Susan Martinez
Susan Martinez June 03, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Gary Gomez
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Susan Gonzalez December 27, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Barbara Nguyen September 15, 2025
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
David Roberts
David Roberts November 26, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
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Amanda Harris December 23, 2024
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
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A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
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A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Elizabeth Johnson
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Susan Nelson
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Kimberly Mitchell
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Donna Campbell
Donna Campbell October 23, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Mary Jackson
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A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Sarah King
Sarah King November 11, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
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It was adequate. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
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Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Joshua Allen
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Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Brian Baker
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
Jacob Smith
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I find myself somewhat conflicted. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perfectly average.
Deborah Hill
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Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
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Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Amanda Gonzalez
Amanda Gonzalez January 24, 2025
An acceptable diversion. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. A fair 3 stars.
Elizabeth Edwards
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It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perfectly average.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Margaret Hall
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Mary Hall
Mary Hall September 17, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Betty Nguyen
Betty Nguyen August 30, 2025
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Ryan Martinez
Ryan Martinez August 10, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
David Green
David Green April 29, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Jessica  Parker
Jessica Parker April 07, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Deborah Smith
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A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Nancy Nelson
Nancy Nelson November 22, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Elizabeth Brown
Elizabeth Brown January 20, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Jessica Wilson
Jessica Wilson March 30, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Anthony Harris
Anthony Harris July 12, 2025
Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Thomas Rodriguez
Thomas Rodriguez January 23, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Richard Thomas
Richard Thomas October 04, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
David Young
David Young August 29, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
Charles Lewis
Charles Lewis November 24, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Thomas Evans
Thomas Evans June 23, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
George Hernandez
George Hernandez May 30, 2024
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Nancy Evans
Nancy Evans February 22, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Jacob Phillips
Jacob Phillips December 14, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Ashley Thompson
Ashley Thompson October 02, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Michelle Nelson
Michelle Nelson November 20, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Anthony Wilson
Anthony Wilson March 26, 2025
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Brian Johnson
Brian Johnson May 05, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
Linda Brown
Linda Brown April 15, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Lisa Wilson
Lisa Wilson January 19, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
Brian Baker
Brian Baker October 14, 2024
A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
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