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The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

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The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

4.85 44,295 ratings · 7,284 reviews
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Overview: The Need for Characterby Richard K. Weems Until this morning my story was the same as any other yokel leaning on the brass rail at 9 a.m. Until this morning there was no reason to tell my story to anyone but the tenderer of the booze and every-goddamn-one else like me: hiding in the dark in broad daylight, feeling safe with those who suffered alike and also knew a kind of safety in anonymity. But this Bunny sitting next to me had ears and great rayon paws that folded all the way around his rocks glass. He beamed pink in this place that had not seen such color in a long time. He had a tail that exploded from his ass like nuclear activity. This Bunny had a genuine beef to make and a pile of money, and he was buying for me as long as I was listening. His face was beet red even through the white and pink make-up, and it got redder still with each double splash of Wild Turkey straight up, his grease paint whiskers got more and more ethereal by the minute. Graying human whiskers started to show from beneath. "Damn them," the Bunny screamed, "and their parents too, unable to teach them a thing or two about puddling." Back we were to the kids climbing onto his lap, their seats wet with unbridled excitement. "All I'm supposed to do," the Bunny told me, looking at me over his empty granny glass frames, "is smile and wave and tell them, 'What good little children, oh what happy and good little boys and girls we have here.' Pah!" His face pulled in around his constricted mouth. "A pox! A hail of brimstone and kitty litter upon their heads! I'm the one who has to go home with myself after letting these kids climb all over my lap. You should see how my legs smell at the end of a day. The bastards!" The Bunny slapped the bar with his pink, heavy paw, this time harder. A glass shook somewhere out there amongst the others, hard to see them in this artificial dark. The Bunny's ears flopped with the effort. What I admired most in this Bunny was his courage to stand out. In a crowded mall kids could see him from a hundred yards off. These kids probably came screaming at him. All this character, all this distinguishment and unique quality, and these kids with their puddled pants didn't even know his name. "'Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bunny,' they call me." (His ears waved in a fury now, bending against the rigidity of their wire frames). He threw back another hit, motioned to his pile of money for more. "What do they care? My name could be Henry. My name could be Oscar, Mersault, Bradley. My name could even be goddamn Jill. Who cares? They don't goddamn know it, and I don't goddamn know it, but how am I supposed to goddamn know it? All I get is a suit. I get a chart on how to paint my face. I'm told to call them good little girls and boys, and I'm told to put them on my lap and smile and take a few pictures. No script, no motivation, no context on the nature of being the Easter Bunny in today's society, nothing." Shining through was the thespian in him, the need for soul, a part with history and needs and wants and desires and sub-text. I was agreeing with this man, this Bunny, because he was the one with the money, and I had a tab that could make the strongest man wince-but still it was obvious. Even I could have been the Bunny if the need for character was all it took. "I could be a Nathan," the Bunny continued, "a Ross. I could be Jonathan Nathaniel Zimmerman, I could be Edwin Arlington Robinson even, for all those fuckers care." He looked at the clock. It was ten minutes until the mall opened. "Oh, jeez," said the Bunny, sliding from his stool, his large feet making nary a sound as they met the floor. The Bunny was on his way out, the remnants of his money clutched in a paw. What I'm trying to tell you is this: in that instant I knew it: I could have been the Bunny. The suit was big enough to fit anyone. I could have been the Bunny. I'd know my name. "Hold up, hold up," I called, but he was nearly out the door already. I left behind my drink and was out after his rolling, exaggerated hips. I could have grabbed him right there, by the puff of his tail maybe. It was a good chance to catch him unawares and give me the element of surprise and the first swing at him, but I had to wait until we were out of sight of the others (I didn't want them to think the Bunny and me were lovers or anything like that) who were still hiding in the dark and were never going to get the chance to find their names this easily and weren't going to find their names in a long, long time. First Appeared in Pif Magazine's No. 16 September 1998 Issue

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Published April, 2000
ISBN 15388
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Camille Renshaw
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Camille Renshaw is a writer and avid reader based in the Pacific Northwest. Before pursuing writing full-time, they spent over a decade working in education. When not working on their next book, Camille Renshaw can usually be found hiking with their dog or trying out new coffee shops in their neighborhood.

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Michael King
Michael King February 14, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Gary Lewis
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Margaret Brown
Margaret Brown October 14, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Kimberly Johnson
Kimberly Johnson February 18, 2024
It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Rebecca Martin
Rebecca Martin August 16, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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Sharon Baker September 06, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Kenneth Davis June 23, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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William Nelson February 26, 2024
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Deborah Diaz May 24, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
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Andrew Thomas February 17, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
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A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Michelle Harris
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A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Kevin Rodriguez
Kevin Rodriguez June 26, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Steven Ramirez
Steven Ramirez February 19, 2024
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Patricia Martin November 10, 2025
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Mary Smith November 23, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Mary Carter
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Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Betty Moore
Betty Moore March 05, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
William Thomas
William Thomas April 24, 2024
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
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Andrew Johnson June 02, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Mary Scott November 18, 2025
Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Stephanie Nelson
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A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Eric Reyes
Eric Reyes September 17, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Kimberly Williams
Kimberly Williams March 25, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Karen Taylor
Karen Taylor July 24, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Jennifer Green
Jennifer Green October 10, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Mary Hill
Mary Hill October 04, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Anthony Anderson
Anthony Anderson June 20, 2024
A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Nancy Phillips
Nancy Phillips May 27, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Jennifer King
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I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Deborah Thompson
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A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Linda Edwards
Linda Edwards March 28, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Christopher Scott
Christopher Scott August 17, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Nicholas Clark
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Mary Flores
Mary Flores May 25, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Ryan Martinez
Ryan Martinez July 22, 2024
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Richard Gomez
Richard Gomez April 25, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Kimberly Collins
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Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Karen Mitchell
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Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Brian Johnson
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Kenneth  Davis
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Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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George Sanchez
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A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Ashley Lopez
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A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
Linda King
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Kevin Lopez
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
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Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
Barbara Lewis
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I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Deborah Williams
Deborah Williams November 17, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Donald White
Donald White April 27, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Deborah Baker
Deborah Baker August 18, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Michelle Edwards
Michelle Edwards August 09, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Betty King
Betty King October 22, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
Jessica  Davis
Jessica Davis June 17, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
Nicholas Clark
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Michelle  Parker
Michelle Parker November 12, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel.
Deborah Baker
Deborah Baker February 23, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Sharon Phillips
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A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Stephanie Jones
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Donald Collins
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William Perez
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Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Deborah Williams
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Amanda Sanchez
Amanda Sanchez August 17, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
Kevin Evans
Kevin Evans January 03, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. A fair 3 stars.
Betty Moore
Betty Moore October 19, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Patricia Nelson
Patricia Nelson December 07, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Thomas Gomez
Thomas Gomez September 19, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Mary Smith
Mary Smith July 02, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me.
Emily Wright
Emily Wright June 08, 2025
Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Emily Wilson
Emily Wilson February 13, 2025
I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Mary Thomas
Mary Thomas August 11, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
Steven Garcia
Steven Garcia July 29, 2025
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Patricia Anderson
Patricia Anderson April 25, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Rebecca Turner
Rebecca Turner January 23, 2025
It was adequate. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Dorothy King
Dorothy King July 14, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Joshua Baker
Joshua Baker September 23, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Donna White
Donna White February 17, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Jessica Phillips
Jessica Phillips August 16, 2025
An acceptable diversion. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. A fair 3 stars.
Sandra Carter
Sandra Carter August 09, 2025
A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars.
Gary Flores
Gary Flores June 28, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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