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Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

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Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

4.85 10,424 ratings · 9,908 reviews
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Overview: Jeb Kinnison’s previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of readers to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was dealing with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who’d like help deciding if they should stick with it. The reason why there is so much interest is the large number of people in relationships with Avoidants who struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an Avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an Avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. And it’s also true that the Avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well—retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give. The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an Avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a Dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is!) Yet there is some hope—though it may take years and require educating the Avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication, if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done. How can you tell if your partner is avoidant? Does your partner: • Seem not to care how you feel? • Frequently fail to respond to direct questions or text messages? • Accuse you of being too needy or codependent? • Talk of some past lover as ideal and compare you to them? • Act coldly toward your children and the needy? • Remind you that he or she would be fine without you? • Withhold sex or affection as punishment? If that sounds familiar, then your partner is likely avoidant. At about 25% of the population, Avoidants have shorter, more troubled relationships, and tend to divorce more frequently and divorce again if remarried. What can be done? Individual therapy for the motivated Avoidant can move their default attachment style toward security, and to the extent that problems have been made worse by an overly clingy and demanding anxious-preoccupied partner, therapy can help there, as well. Insecure partners who read and absorb the lessons of these books will have a head start on noticing and restraining themselves when they are slipping into an unsatisfying communications pattern, and an intellectual understanding of the bad patterns is a step toward unlearning them. Not all difficult Avoidants can be reformed; that depends on both partners, the depth of their problems, and their motivation and ability to change over time. But many troubled marriages and relationships can be greatly improved, and the people in them can learn to be happier, with even modest improvements in understanding how they can best communicate support for each other. For those reading who have not read Bad Boyfriends or are less familiar with attachment types, a beefed-up section on attachment theory and attachment types from Bad Boyfriends is included. Regular readers of JebKinnison.com will find edited versions of some relevant material previously posted there.

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Book details & editions

ISBN
23350455
Publisher
Jeb Kinnison Publishing
Publication date
October 2, 2014
Pages
229 pages
Reading Options
PDF · EPUB · Mobi
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Jeb Kinnison
About the Author
Jeb Kinnison
12,065 Followers

Jeb Kinnison is the author of several novels. Originally from the East Coast, they now live in the Midwest with family. In addition to writing, Jeb Kinnison enjoys gardening, cooking, and reading way past bedtime. Their work often explores the complexities of everyday life and human relationships.

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Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
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Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
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Rebecca Martinez July 13, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Joseph Jackson
Joseph Jackson October 13, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Robert Diaz
Robert Diaz March 27, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Joshua Wilson
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A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Charles Garcia
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Sarah Jackson
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Emily Collins
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Christopher Gonzalez
Christopher Gonzalez February 13, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown October 07, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Margaret Evans
Margaret Evans March 15, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Sharon Nguyen
Sharon Nguyen December 17, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Barbara Miller
Barbara Miller November 30, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
Melissa Diaz
Melissa Diaz February 02, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Lisa Baker
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Cynthia Evans
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Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Betty Thomas
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I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Charles Nguyen
Charles Nguyen May 27, 2024
Not entirely to my refined tastes. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Eric Mitchell
Eric Mitchell July 21, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Deborah Brown
Deborah Brown January 31, 2025
A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Ryan Sanchez
Ryan Sanchez July 20, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Deborah Gomez
Deborah Gomez October 09, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Brian Perez
Brian Perez December 04, 2025
I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perfectly average.
Eric Campbell
Eric Campbell January 05, 2025
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
John Robinson
John Robinson February 21, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Stephanie Harris
Stephanie Harris April 22, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Kenneth Flores
Kenneth Flores June 10, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
Joshua Allen
Joshua Allen July 21, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Margaret Wright
Margaret Wright January 16, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Steven Miller
Steven Miller July 12, 2025
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Deborah Perez
Deborah Perez March 07, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Rebecca Lopez
Rebecca Lopez July 18, 2025
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Brian Miller
Brian Miller September 07, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Ashley Anderson
Ashley Anderson June 21, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Paul Williams
Paul Williams December 24, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Sharon King
Sharon King April 19, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Brian Collins
Brian Collins July 27, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Dorothy White
Dorothy White March 11, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Mary  Davis
Mary Davis September 03, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Stephanie King
Stephanie King August 18, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Kevin Gonzalez
Kevin Gonzalez May 22, 2025
An acceptable diversion. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. A fair 3 stars.
Mary Perez
Mary Perez June 18, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Susan Gonzalez
Susan Gonzalez May 15, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Sarah Hall
Sarah Hall January 03, 2024
A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Betty Walker
Betty Walker March 12, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
George Martin
George Martin October 13, 2025
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Sharon Nguyen
Sharon Nguyen January 29, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Joseph Brown
Joseph Brown April 18, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Andrew Thompson
Andrew Thompson September 22, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Mary Jones
Mary Jones December 13, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
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