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Things I've Said to My Children

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66,616 ratings · 1,501 reviews
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Things I've Said to My Children

4.85 66,616 ratings · 1,501 reviews
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Overview: An illustrated gift book that brings to life the universal parenting experience of saying strange and hilarious things to one's kids.As the father of five boys (all under age 10), graphic designer Nathan Ripperger has found himself saying some rather funny, absurd, and downright bizarre things to his children, from "Stop riding that penguin, we're leaving" to "I am NOT talking to you until you are wearing underwear." He created poster-like images for each and posted them online. The response from other parents was overwhelming. With Things I've Said to My Children, Ripperger has assembled around 80 of the funniest, weirdest, and most amusing sayings and paired them with full-color, designed images that bring these outrageously hysterical quotes to life. Covering the essential parenting topics like food, animals, don'ts, and of course, bodily functions, Things I've Said to My Children is a light-hearted illustrated reminder of the shared absurdity of parenthood. Especially for those parents who've ever found themselves uttering some variation of the line, "Please don't eat the goldfish crackers you've put in your butt."

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Book details & editions

ISBN
23995474
Publication date
September 15, 2015
Pages
N/A pages
Reading Options
PDF · EPUB · Mobi
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Nathan Ripperger
About the Author
Nathan Ripperger
16,334 Followers

Nathan Ripperger is the author of several novels. Originally from the East Coast, they now live in the Midwest with family. In addition to writing, Nathan Ripperger enjoys gardening, cooking, and reading way past bedtime. Their work often explores the complexities of everyday life and human relationships.

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Sarah Roberts
Sarah Roberts June 16, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
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Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Steven Perez
Steven Perez February 23, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Eric Harris
Eric Harris June 20, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Carol Thomas
Carol Thomas September 06, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Matthew Clark
Matthew Clark October 13, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Daniel Johnson
Daniel Johnson September 26, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Matthew Johnson
Matthew Johnson July 22, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Laura Rodriguez
Laura Rodriguez February 20, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Jennifer Carter
Jennifer Carter December 14, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Linda Collins October 29, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
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Barbara Adams April 23, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Laura Nguyen November 15, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Anthony Lee December 14, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Paul Sanchez
Paul Sanchez June 29, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Andrew Clark
Andrew Clark July 06, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Donna Sanchez
Donna Sanchez July 04, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading.
Mark Adams
Mark Adams November 15, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Edward Hernandez
Edward Hernandez October 20, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Michelle Carter
Michelle Carter March 26, 2025
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
Rebecca Allen
Rebecca Allen August 15, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Ryan Collins
Ryan Collins July 06, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
Mary Hernandez
Mary Hernandez December 17, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Laura Scott
Laura Scott August 28, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Sarah Clark
Sarah Clark January 26, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
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Nancy Allen February 01, 2025
I find myself somewhat conflicted. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
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A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Christopher Williams June 05, 2024
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Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Thomas Hill
Thomas Hill September 25, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Laura Nguyen
Laura Nguyen June 30, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Sarah Roberts
Sarah Roberts March 14, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Emily King
Emily King June 10, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Thomas Thomas
Thomas Thomas July 17, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Steven Robinson
Steven Robinson May 26, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Karen Campbell
Karen Campbell August 03, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Thomas Wright
Thomas Wright June 29, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Michelle Rivera
Michelle Rivera November 20, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Rebecca Harris
Rebecca Harris December 19, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Jessica Edwards
Jessica Edwards November 25, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Ryan Diaz
Ryan Diaz November 11, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Kenneth Gomez
Kenneth Gomez April 27, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
William Anderson
William Anderson August 30, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Kevin Flores
Kevin Flores November 22, 2024
A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Kenneth Carter
Kenneth Carter January 25, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Patricia Flores
Patricia Flores July 29, 2025
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Donna Turner
Donna Turner December 08, 2025
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Kenneth Gomez
Kenneth Gomez October 19, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Dorothy Wright
Dorothy Wright February 06, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Jennifer Wright
Jennifer Wright February 25, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Michelle Martinez
Michelle Martinez January 07, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Deborah Campbell
Deborah Campbell June 13, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Eric Nguyen
Eric Nguyen February 28, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Daniel Thomas
Daniel Thomas August 17, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
William Walker
William Walker May 26, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Michelle Campbell
Michelle Campbell March 19, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Melissa Evans
Melissa Evans April 26, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
Dorothy Perez
Dorothy Perez May 13, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Jessica Taylor
Jessica Taylor November 05, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars.
Kevin Hall
Kevin Hall September 11, 2025
Not entirely to my refined tastes. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Dorothy Wright
Dorothy Wright December 25, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
Dorothy Wright
Dorothy Wright December 22, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
Brian Johnson
Brian Johnson May 06, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
John Thompson
John Thompson March 31, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
John Flores
John Flores September 11, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Donna Turner
Donna Turner April 17, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Michael Moore
Michael Moore September 08, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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