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Year of the Nurse: A Covid-19 Pandemic Memoir

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Year of the Nurse: A Covid-19 Pandemic Memoir

4.85 72,701 Ratings
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Editor's Note:
Year of the Nurse is Cassie Alexander's poignant effort to come to grips with suicidal ideation and PTSD after being a covid nurse in an ICU in 2020. I'm writing this third person like I give a shit. I don't. This is my therapy book. I'm writing it for me, and for every other nurse out there who is angry at how last year went down. I see you. You are not alone. In addition to being a nurse, I'm a professional author, and I kept track of last year as it was happening. So maybe laypeople can peek in a bit and understand what it was like to have portions of your country and family betray you while you went and risked your life. Here's how it begins: On April 25th, 2021 at 10:55 in the morning I messaged my girl’s chat group from where I work as a nurse on an ICU floor: “Nothing like feeling strongly suicidal at a job where you’re supposed to be keeping people alive,” and then tweeted that my “mental health wasn’t great” and deleted the twitter app off of my phone because I didn’t want to “overshare.” That I felt like dying. That I would’ve rather died than still be at work. *** There were roughly four million nurses in America, as of last year. Only 2.7 million soldiers fought in the Vietnam War. Soldiers who came back from Vietnam, after having witnessed -- and in some cases, participated in – atrocities were changed forever. It would be foolhardy to believe that you could send four million people into a wartime equivalent, without there being psychological consequences. And yet, that’s what America has done. We spent a year battling a largely unknown assailant, running low on gear, haunted by the fact that we could bring something deadly home, and getting coughed on by people who pretended that our fights were imaginary and, worse yet, that our struggles – watching people die, day after day, no matter what we did -- were literally unreal. Nurses are fucked up. We are going to continue to be fucked up for quite some time. And unless there’s an acknowledgement and a reckoning, healthcare as we know it in America’s going to be hamstrung for the next decade. I do not know a single nurse who doesn’t want another job right now. (If you don’t and you’re reading this, if you’re a pedi-nurse or something, congrats. Know that I am very jealous of you and your job satisfaction.) Even before covid, burn out levels in nurses were epic. In 2018 31.5% of those 4 million nurses changed jobs due to burn out. A fleeing brain drain is happening right now as I type, as nurses across the nation figure out what their safety and well-being looks like for them. Some people will wind up being stay-at-home-parents, some will go into R&D, and others will just retire a few years earlier then they had planned to, because there’s nothing like watching people die for year to make you think maybe you should go and live. (Unless you’re me, and yeah, we’ll get to that.) And? A large number of us hate a large number of you. (Although likely not the ‘you’ reading this book.) If you spent your pandemic fighting masks, voting for Trump, or going on vacation? Those of us with the blood you caused on our hands actively wish you ill. I’m just being honest. We’re going to remember, as we all go into this, our first safe summer. Because, unlike you, some of us will never get to forget. This really is a therapy book, and I really was (am?) suicidal. But unlike many in my nursing cohort who got through 2020, I am also a professional writer. I don’t know what I’m thinking half the time unless I write it down -- so I do. And I kept track of what was happening with me last year. I’m going to go back and cull through my personal journals, emails, and tweets, and share what being a nurse in 2020 was like with you. This book is going to be a kind of scrapbook in that sense, in that I have ancillary material that I’ll quote and share here, in addition to my original thoughts upon it. (Note: I won’t be cleaning up the grammar and spelling mistakes in my tweets, as they’re a matter of public record.) A lot of it is going to be immediate, and a lot of it is going to be raw. I’m not here to make apologies about how angry this book will be. I can’t, not when that’s the reason I’m writing it. Because I need to do something, anything, to quench this ember of hate I have in my heart. Jesus can’t touch it and neither can love. I need someone – you, if you’re reading this – to try and go there with me. I want to take you along and show you what it was like. I want to make you feel my fear and desperation, and this is going to be a ride far more intense than any Stephen King novel. You might learn some shit along the way – but mostly I just want to not be so alone. I know a lot of people want to shut the door on the past and move on the future, but to that I say, “How can I?” When this thread of betrayal that this country ...

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Length N/A Pages
Language Eng
Imprint Caskara Press
Released July 19, 2021
Identifier (ISBN) 58146283
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Cassandra Alexander
The Mind Behind the Work
Cassandra Alexander

Cassandra Alexander writes contemporary fiction and has always been fascinated by character-driven stories. They hold a degree in English Literature and previously worked as an editor before transitioning to writing their own books. Cassandra Alexander lives with their spouse and a very vocal rescue cat.

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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
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Margaret Williams September 24, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel."
Patricia Martin
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"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Michael Clark
Michael Clark July 14, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
Rebecca Perez
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"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
Amanda Miller
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel."
Richard White
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me."
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"Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
Eric Wilson
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall."
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Amanda Moore June 20, 2024
"It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Kenneth Taylor
Kenneth Taylor January 03, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Richard White
Richard White March 02, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
Andrew Campbell
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"I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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George Green
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
George Wilson
George Wilson December 30, 2025
"I find myself somewhat conflicted. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Barbara Rivera
Barbara Rivera February 01, 2024
"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Mark Cruz
Mark Cruz July 26, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Daniel Lopez
Daniel Lopez August 31, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Nicholas Evans
Nicholas Evans March 01, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Kenneth Gonzalez
Kenneth Gonzalez April 30, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Elizabeth Sanchez
Elizabeth Sanchez June 04, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars."
Laura Turner
Laura Turner June 26, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Sandra Walker
Sandra Walker June 18, 2025
"It was adequate. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perfectly average."
Jacob Carter
Jacob Carter April 09, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Edward Evans
Edward Evans November 18, 2025
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall."
Ashley Mitchell
Ashley Mitchell September 15, 2025
"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
Rebecca Rivera
Rebecca Rivera December 19, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
Nicholas Anderson
Nicholas Anderson June 28, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Betty Jackson
Betty Jackson July 12, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Mark Harris
Mark Harris January 28, 2024
"A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars."
Steven Torres
Steven Torres October 02, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel."
Deborah Allen
Deborah Allen October 27, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Barbara Lee
Barbara Lee October 10, 2024
"An acceptable diversion. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Perfectly average."
Nancy Lopez
Nancy Lopez November 22, 2024
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me."
Robert Walker
Robert Walker January 02, 2025
"A decent, if standard, experience. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time."
Sharon Phillips
Sharon Phillips February 20, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
William Brown
William Brown February 12, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Sharon Edwards
Sharon Edwards April 20, 2024
"A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time."
Nicholas Moore
Nicholas Moore October 11, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
Jessica Anderson
Jessica Anderson June 02, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Kenneth Wilson
Kenneth Wilson April 23, 2024
"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
Karen Jones
Karen Jones September 23, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
Brian Moore
Brian Moore January 15, 2025
"A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Linda Lopez
Linda Lopez July 20, 2025
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
Kimberly Anderson
Kimberly Anderson May 07, 2024
"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
Jacob Adams
Jacob Adams October 12, 2024
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
Thomas Collins
Thomas Collins June 06, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
Patricia Collins
Patricia Collins December 08, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Brian Hernandez
Brian Hernandez January 25, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall."
Mark Lee
Mark Lee September 27, 2024
"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
Michelle Gonzalez
Michelle Gonzalez June 12, 2025
"A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars."
Margaret Johnson
Margaret Johnson October 08, 2024
"It was adequate. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time."
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